COUNSELLING: When/How?Why?

Research shows that we will stay in our conflict for a very long time before we make the decision to reach out for professional help. The first step is to often try to "work things out" on our own. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. If it doesn't, step number two is generally getting our friends and family involved. But let's be honest, we're usually going to turn to people who have a biased opinion on our situation. If "Sally" is determined that she is right about "Frank" being a stubborn, non-communicative partner, she is going to confide in a friend or family member who she is fairly confident will concur with her on that. If "Frank" is determined that "Sally" is simply needy and over-emotional, he will be calling on someone who will likely agree with him whole-heartedly. It's human nature to seek out some form of validation for our position on something. Unfortunately, this is rarely helpful. To the contrary, it will probably only provide "Sally" and "Frank" with more ammunition for staying stuck in their conflict. Another downside to getting friends and family involved is that we run the risk of pushing them away, they might start running in the opposite direction when they see us, knowing we're just going to "dump" on them. It's an unfair burden to place on them.

It is at this point that many of my clients will make that first call to me. It can be an extremely difficult call to make. Many of my clients report that they felt by reaching out to a professional counsellor was somehow synonymous to admitting defeat and weakness. While I understand this way of thinking, I applaud my clients for having the courage to step up and ask for help. I view it as a huge step towards them honouring themselves and their relationships. I am not here to make Sally or Frank feel completely justified in their positions nor am I here to be a good buddy to either of them. I am here to explore where they are, how they got there, where they want to be and how they can get there. The work can then begin, in an environment that is respectful, ethical, confidential and unbiased.

I will further post my approach to working with couples, individuals and/or families. The issues are always different but my experience tells me that very few of them are insurmountable.